Julian Bashir's Journal
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003 | | 4:53 pm |
Dear Diary
I despise ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mal_reed. He thwarts my efforts to "get to know" trip_tucker. Thank God I have ezridax though I am starting to despise her too; I love her so much. So much. Yeah. No, really. Also, two days of No Sex. Perhaps this is making me irritable. Withdrawal and all. Am on the road to sexual sobriety though. Go me. Current Mood:  aggravated | | Tuesday, August 26th, 2003 | | 4:33 pm |
Sex, so much sex
I'm begining to suspect that I may be a sex addict. Perhaps I should go to a sexaholics anonymous meeting. It might be a good place to pick up someone for casual sex. Current Mood:  horny | | Monday, August 25th, 2003 | | 9:33 pm |
| | Friday, June 20th, 2003 | | 1:14 am |
Miles left without saying goodbye. I know that we are just friends, but he means so much to me in a non-sexual way that doesn't involve me wanting to touch him at all sexually. Oh that I could feel once more his warm embrace, like the gentle heat of a dusky desert breeze.He has gone back to Earth with Kenko, that heartless slut, how can he bear to stay with her? To speak to her? To make sweet love to her turgid body? To hold her haglike form in his strong Celtic arms? and the children. I love Miles so much. I yearn to be near him, to feel his scented breath upon my skin Ezri very much. And our baby is a horrible mistake. A burden that keeps me from my true love. Not that I could tell him that, not that he could ever love me as I love him a joy. Why does Miles do people assume that just because I am roguishly handsome yet delicate like a desert bloom I must be shallow? I could quite easily love, for example, someone whose true inner beauty overcame their ageing looks. Like Ezri, obviously. If she were old. And a bit over-weight. And ginger. For example. I would still long to hold her in my arms, to caress her beautiful ging... err, anyway. Little Benji is very beautiful, with his deep brown eyes and his sallow Celtic-like skin. Oddly, neither Ezri nor myself have ginger ancestors. It just makes him all the more special. Oh, God, I miss Miles so much. I see his round face every time I close my eyes. I long to hear his voice next to my ear. Ezri thinks I have impotence. I cannot bear to tell her the real problem. It is better that she think I am a failure as a man. Because I am - I have failed to follow my heart, I have been a coward.
Was I wrong to get him that drunk? Now I know with so much detail what it is that I must live without. My heart is rent, like a dusky desert camel.Ezri and I are very happy together. I wish I were dead. I can only hope that we do not stay together as Miles and Keiko have, against all common sense. He can't love her. My heart tells me he cannot love her.In other news, I have been liberated by foreign forces and am now administered by an alliance of overseas powers, pending democratic elections. It's very strange. Current Mood: calm | | Thursday, June 19th, 2003 | | 7:31 am |
Hello all. Anything interesting happening round here? | | Wednesday, May 14th, 2003 | | 8:40 pm |
Had a sex dream about smiley_miles last night. As a very straight non-gay man, I found this rather disconcerting though it was the best dream of my life. I wonder what it means. Maybe ezridax can interpret it for me if I give her some details. Current Mood:  weird | | 7:33 am |
Am upset with everyone. Everyone insists on calling miracle_child Benji. Do not like that name and will now revert back to calling him Miles Julian. Also, will hold back sex until I get my way. Current Mood: annoyed | | Tuesday, May 13th, 2003 | | 10:07 pm |
| | 8:20 pm |
smiley_miles was just tense so I gave him a shoulder rub in a physician sort of way. It was in no way gay and we in no way had sex. How could we have sex? I am so not gay that I am straight. c ezridax has born unto me a son and he is the miracle_child and I am calling him Miles Julian Bashir. Current Mood: pleased | | Friday, May 9th, 2003 | | 9:55 pm |
::wanking:: Current Mood: aroused | | Thursday, May 8th, 2003 | | 7:02 am |
Earth
Earth is very nice. I am enjoying seeing Miles again though I want to do more than see... I want to touch his body, feel his naked skin against mine.I think Ezri's been feeling a little down. I know her body is undergoing a lot of changes so just to reassure her: I love Ezri Dax. She is the most incredible woman I have ever met. We have amazing emotional and physical chemistry. (No, really). If only she were Miles. I am sure that will make her feel much better. Miles is concerned that about his health so I have agreed to give him a check up we will be so close, how will I bear it? ohgod. So enjoying Earth overall. If only Keiko weren't here. qcontinuum, can't you please take her on a whirlwind tour of the galaxy for the duration of her life? Or perhaps turn her into a potted plant? Current Mood: awake | | Thursday, May 1st, 2003 | | 10:03 pm |
I cannot bear to see smiley_miles so miserable anymore. He has been putting up a good front of pretending he is happy, but I know better. How could I not know? My heart breaks every day that we are apart. Not being together, it's like dying. I know in my soul that he feels the same.What with that heartless wife of his, botanist_keiko, galavanting off to date qcontinuum, it's a wonder the poor man hasn't cracked. So I've decided that I have to go to Earth to see him and the children. This is a hard time for my dear friend and I know ezridax, my beautiful and confident girlfriend, does not feel threatened by my friendship with Miles. I will still be checking my journal though. Regards, Julian P.S. Oh yeah, as for the infirmary thing... I'm sure everything will be fine. There's got to be a night shift, right? Didn't the_prophets bring ohthedarkness to DS9? P.P.S. Still not gay. Current Mood: l'il bit angsty | | Tuesday, April 29th, 2003 | | 9:08 pm |
You know what? Disregard my last post. I was going for tact, but I've changed my mind. Keiko is a bitch. And not in a good way. She has insulted me numerous times since her recent establishment of a journal and now she has insulted my beautiful ezridax! smiley_miles my true love, my all, if you ever need to get away from her, my door is always open. Current Mood: infuriated | | 8:51 pm |
God, has anyone else noticed what a foul mood botanist_keiko has been in all day? It seems that her current favorite word is "slut" and she seems intent on hurling it at me at every opportunity. Kiss you children with that mouth, do you, Keiko? I am fortunate that my girlfriend is confident in the security of our relationship and does not feel threatened by my intimate relationship with smiley_miles, my best friend. It's odd, because I seem to recall Keiko as a smart and generally confident woman. She should feel secure in her relationship with Miles. I mean, she did bear his children... well, one of them at least. Hmmmmmm... beginning to suspect that perhaps jellobitch has escaped and replaced Keiko. Current Mood: shocked | | Monday, April 28th, 2003 | | 10:12 pm |
blah, blah, not gay, blah, blah, blah
ezridax said Julian is a gay name. Is she saying I am gay? Is she saying our miracle child will be gay? (on account of his/her name will be Julian). Sometimes I just don't understand ezridax. I love her and am awed by how she becomes more beautiful as the miracle of life gestates inside of her perfect body, but sometimes I just don't "get" her. How could she think I am gay? qcontinuum is rather nosy. He thinks I should admit to being bisexual (which I'm NOT because then I would have to be partially gay and I am so not gay that it hurts... hurts every time I think of how I yearn for smiley_miles's sweet caresses). He thinks we finite beings make too much of gender. Perhaps I should explore my feminine side... I shall have to ask ezridax to write journal entries about the pregnancy's progress so I can learn what she is going through and gain some understanding about that which I can never experience. Meanwhile, the_prophets drop hints about what is so miraculous about this child. I wish they would just say. God, interdimension beings can be annoying (with the exception of the lovely amanda_the_q). I am beginning to suspect that smiley_miles may not be all that smiley. I can't quite figure what it is... he just seems like he is missing something. He should really come for a visit some time. Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: something pretentious yet soothing | | Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003 | | 10:24 pm |
ezridax is pregnant with miracle child. Am kind of freaked. Not sure it has really sunk in yet. I wish smiley_miles would hold and comfort me give me some advice. Current Mood:  numb | | Sunday, April 20th, 2003 | | 9:12 pm |
I wonder if ezridax would be willing to perm her hair... maybe dye it too. Current Mood: pensive | | Friday, April 18th, 2003 | | 6:23 pm |
| | Tuesday, April 8th, 2003 | | 9:24 pm |
qcontinuum says that there is more to existence than sex. _garak_ thinks I have made a mistake staying with ezridax. symbiont_dax is going to try to warm ezridax to the notion of a threesome with amanda_the_q. So very many things to think about. I'll be in the infirmary if anyone needs me. Current Mood: pensive | | Monday, April 7th, 2003 | | 10:50 pm |
ezridax is away for a week. I miss her so much. Her smile, her eyes, her boyish good looks. There has been some chatter about our activities, but I am not ashamed because I love her ohsoverymuch. And I miss her. I also miss Miles. Maybe Garak will want to talk about it. Current Mood: lonely |
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